Healthy Marriage=Healthier Self

I have been thinking of my husband this morning. Maybe it is the appreciation and admiration I have of him as he made me breakfast in bed this morning and let me sleep an extra 2 hours for no reason other than that he loves me. Corny? Maybe, but true.

See, my husband is a really good man. I would imagine most married couples would say the same about their spouse, but sometimes I think people lie to themselves. Now, I said he is a good man, not a perfect man. Believe me, we have had some less than glamorous moments. It certainly has not all been sunshine and rainbows...but one thing remains, which is that my husband loves me, we are best friends, we like to be around each other and he supports me.

Mike and I got engaged only 6 months after we met. Most people thought we were crazy, heck, I thought we were crazy...but I never had any doubts. We were young and in love and excited for our future.

Post engagement trip, Jamaica 2005

We had a lot of fun back then. We hung out with friends, went on little and big trips and enjoyed our year and a half engagement. We really never argued and I never, ever questioned whether or not he was the right person to spend my life with. I loved that time of our lives. The biggest thing I learned about Mike during our pre-marriage days was that he had true old school gentlemen qualities about him. He was the guy who always opened the door for you. He would wake up in the middle of the night and would tuck me back into the covers, even when he thought I was sound asleep. This type of thing was second nature to him. He never did it because he thought someone was watching, or to impress..it was and is just part of what makes him, him.

We had a wonderful wedding in 2007. The day was beautiful and fun and just so happy.

When we got married I knew I would take my vows very seriously. For better or for worse is a very important part of the promise we made. I knew we would argue and have tough times, that's reality...but I can remember talking to Mike about that fact that leaving or threatening to leave each other would never be on the table.   

Then life seemed to pick up speed. It should not have been surprising considering that as soon as we returned from our honeymoon we were surprised to find out about this:

Because we started having babies right away, and we owned a business that caused unbelievable stress for my husband, and he started building a house for us, and we both worked full time, had a baby and everything else that comes along in life.....we just didn't have as much time for each other.

We had tough times, and good time but we stood by each other.

After we had our second child we started making moves to get back the time we had lost with each other. Our house was finished and we were settled, we got out of the horrible business (thank GOD) and we put each other's health and well-being as a priority. That is about when I started this blog..when we really started living for one another again.

Having a good partner in life has made all the difference in my mental and physical health. Mike knows that it is just as important that I get to the gym as it is that he does. We like talking about health living and why it is important to us. And my husband helps me, A LOT.

Recently I started to get stressed. The physical effects of being pregnant, working full time and coming home to two toddlers has started to take a toll on me. After a long talk with Mike, he decided there were ways he could help and support me even more. It can't be easy for him. he already takes care of the kids full time and works on the weekends. But somehow he has been an even better support lately. He has started to do even more housework and since our son is a difficult sleeper, he has been the one putting him back to bed every night when he wakes up. He gets up and heats the car up for me before I go to the gym, so I have a better shot at getting there. He does so much, without resentment or frustration.

And because of him I can be healthier and happy. I feel so content knowing that I have a partner who can help and who has found a way to be even better as the years have gone by.

When I hear about friends and others I know who seem to be unhappy in their marriage, I wonder if they really put each other first. Marriage has certainly been a process of learning and growing, and I know we have a LOOOONG way to go. I am sure during that time we will hit some bumps in the road but he is my priority and my number one in this world and I can honestly say that thanks to him, I am a better, healthier, happier person.

Bellies grow and grow

 
17 weeks. Time is flying by. Maternity clothes are all I wear now. Bigger than I was with kids 1 or 2 (they say that happens). Hoping my butt doesn't get any bigger...which is part of why I work out. Glad my boobs have grown. I will miss then when I am done nursing. Big ultrasound next week.Hope all is well. Still planning to keep the sex a suprise. The kids at school are sweet about pregnancy and it makes me love being a teacher. I have a ridiculous craving for sour cream and onion chips. I ate some. They weren't what I dreamed of. Will try to wear this shirt for all further bump shots. Gained about 10 lbs. Hoping that slows down, but not too worried. This is my last time at all of this. Bitter sweet.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thanks and Thanksgiving

I have been blogger MIA lately. I have a few reasons: I haven't had much to say, my kids are seemingly more crazy lately, I have been preparing for the holiday and I have been teaching myself to knit, which has taken up some of my couch time.

Not much has been going on here. I had a doctors appointment on Monday and they officially readjusted my due date to May 11, putting me at 15 weeks. I ate a lot of crap this week, and am hoping to redeem myself next week, which will be hard with the holiday.

I had a decent workout week with 4 days at the gym and a few good workouts where I was even able to up some of my weight because I was feeling so good.

Today my mom and sister came down and took the kids out for the day while I went shopping. I am hosting Thanksgiving at my house this year. I really do love to cook and do not mind hosting at all, in fact I love it...however, it takes some serious prep. I have a lot of people bringing dishes, which helps. I find that the hardest part is trying to cook everything at the right time with only one oven.

I also got almost all of the kids Christmas shopping done and I am done with my nieces and nephews, and it's not even December! Wohooooo. Thank you Mama and Little Sis, I could have never done it without you.

The main things I am cooking this year are:
The turkey (obviously)
Homemade Cranberry-orange sauce
Whipped banana and honey sweet potatoes, recipe found here
Red Bliss Garlic and Chive Mashed Potatoes
Homemade Green Bean Casserole, recipe doubled and found here
Crockpot spinach and artichoke Dip
Homemade sweet roles with honey butter
Pumpkin Pecan Pie and Apple Pie

All the other stuff is being brought by a family member. I am praying I didn't forget anything.



I do like to spend a bit of time thinking about what I am thankful for during this busy time of year. I know it is on most people's minds and I have seen it talked about on many a blog and Facebook post. So in the tradition of giving thanks, here is my top ten list of what I am thankful for.

1. My health and the health of my family. Every time I log onto Facebook or every other day in real life, I hear of another friend/ acquaintance with a sick child or family member. I have had healthy pregnancies, healthy babies and my husband and I have no real health issues. Thank you God!

2. My job and the people I work with. I have been employed by a public school district since the year I graduated college and have never been without a job. I make a good salary, have good benefits and I work with many supportive, funny and generally wonderful people.

3. My mother. She is so supportive, loving and is always there when we need her. She has helped us financially and in every other way. I love that she is still young and has energy to do fun things with her grandkids.

4. My house. I sometimes take this for granted, but I really do have a beautiful house. It is comfortable and custom made for us (thank you husband) and it is pretty amazing to own something that someone you love made.

5. Summers with my kids. It is super hard to go to work everyday and leave my babies behind...but having a whole summer on the beach with them makes it much easier.

6. Getting to educate young people. I feel so fortunate to have a job that matters and to get to be a part of the lives of so many wonderful young people. It isn't easy, but it is meaningful.

7. A husband who loves his family. It seems like it is how it should be, but I hear about a lot of women who are married to men who would rather be doing many other things rather than spend time with their family. My husband and I like each other as much as we love each other and he likes to be with us.

8. A beautiful place and fun family to visit. My dad lives in a beautiful part of Montana and going to visit him and his lovely wife is the highlight of our summer. It is a fun, carefree trip where we can focus on family and the outdoors and my dad always makes it a great time.

9. My ability to have children. I know many woman who have struggled with fertility/ getting pregnant. I had some points in my life where I thought it might be hard for me. I am so blessed to experience the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth and to do so with no hardship.

10. My intellect. I am no genius but I am happy to have enough of a brain to know the importance of being healthy, to be pretty quick in most situations and to see all sides of things. I know my intellect was a gift of genetics and of being raised by caring, compassionate people and I am glad to have received such a gift.

Big dreams, boring workouts

Tomorrow is Friday...thank goodness.

I made the gym every day but Tuesday ( I had parent's night Monday night and I was exhausted) and I fully intend on going tomorrow morning. I have been in a bit of a funk there. I am still following NROLFW, but I feel like I do so much of the same stuff. I may need to modify for a while...but I'll get back to that another day.

Lately I have been down in the dumps about where I live. I would give just about anything to sell everything and move to Maine. I love my house...but I feel like my neighborhood is going downhill. I wish I had the courage to just change everything...but when you have kids you really have to think about more than just yourself. The quality of education is good here and who knows what it would be like in some rural town. I have a great job, with fantastic benefits. Plus my in-laws are here....but some days I am sad that I don't have the courage to take the chance. You only get one life. Maybe there is still a chance? It's hard when you know if you ever left, that it could devastate other people...but yet it is what you and your family really want.

Maybe I am just having back to work blues. I get very overwhelmed this time of year. Maybe my dream of moving to the boonies is my attempt at escaping from my stress. Who know? I have pledged that I will never move my kids anywhere past 5th grade. So I have some time...10 years to be exact.

What I want...'cause yeah, I'm in a greedy mood

It's Saturday, the sun is FINALLY out and I am trying to figure out where to bring the kiddos today. I feel like I have to step up my game in the fun department because now my quality time with them is limited to the weekends. I don't want to become the forgotten parent.

I was just sitting here thinking about how I really want a Starbucks carmel machiato. I could easily drive off and get one, but I am really trying not to buy coffee on the go. This is probably my biggest weakness and I need to be good.

This got me thinking about what else I want that I don't currently have but also don't really need. My life wish list if you will.........

1. A larger, cleaner vehicle that can transport my kids, dog and other crap in a slightly classier way then my currently filthy, aging Ford Freestyle. I think I want a Pilot.

2. A fence around my yard. We have a beautiful, large yard but it is so open to everyone who walks by...including many of the neighborhood kids who I have had as students. Plus I would love if the kids, chickens, dog and cat would be contained in a fenced area. for now we are working on a privacy fence across the front...but it will be forever before we can afford one all the way around.

3. Another baby. I know, it is crazy...but I am starting to get baby fever again. I just stopped nursing my daughter...so sooner than later would be nice.

4. Intensive, one on one pilates instruction 3 nights a week. Ha, I'll keep dreaming on this one.

5. A secretary at work. I can't even imagine what a fabulous teacher I would be if I didn't spend half my damn day doing crap that is pointless and does not have anything to do with the quality of education.

6. A tropical vacation in the winter during February vacation...because New England winters start to get intolerable right about that time.

7. A family day that included my husband at least one day a week. I miss him a lot.

8. A fully finished basement with a giant, padded playroom. Because rainy days with kids are no fun.

I think that is all. I mean, is it all really too much to ask? The good news is...a few of these are not totally unrealistic,,,so I will live for those!

What do you really want, even if you don't need it?

Food, Work, Life

Before I say anything, let me start with some pictures of  recipes I have tried in the past week:


Sweet Potatoe and spinach Hash with Turkey Bacon, Poached Eggs and Cheddar Cheese



Grilled portabella mushrooms in balsamic topped with slices of tomatoe, mozerella and basil




Broiled Salmon with tomatoes and feta on top of Greek quinoa (quinoa, garlic, spinach, red peppers and greek olives)



Tilapia fish tacos with greek yogurt chipoltle


 I LOVE food. If you would like any of these recipes, just let me know and I will post. Someday maybe I will get a good camera so these pics don't look so bad. I have not posted in forever for two main reasons- 1) I started back at work.2) We live near the cost, which means we prepared for the hurricane (which was a bad tropical storm here) and we lost power and then the internet/ cable for a few days.  Starting a new school year is exhausting. I am going to have to really be disciplined if I am going to keep cooking and working out. So far so good. I am on workout sets 7 of NROLFW and I haven't slacked on that at all, which I do MWF.  The summer is over for me, but it was a good one. I am trying not to get down on myself about all the things I didn't accomplish during my weeks off, like the million lessons I should have planned, all the cabinets I didn't clean out and a less than stellar garden. Instead I will reflect on what I did accomplish: 1.A killer tan2. An amazing trip out West 3. Logging serious time in my beach chair4. Getting Liam to love the ocean water.5. Celebrating my baby girls first birthday.6. Celebrating the engagment and wedding of great friends.7. Growing some nice fresh herbs and tomatoes8. Cleaning out my closet and donating 2 lawn bags full of clothes.9. Teaching my son how to recognize letters.10. And most importantly, spending some quality time as a stay at home mom. Who cares if I never got to the bank to deal with our bank accounts? I had LOTS OF FUN! 

The dreaded back to work schedule

It's almost here (although I am in a bit of denial). I am starting back at work next week. At least they ease us back in slowly. We are back Wednesday and Thursday and then we have a 4 day weekend and the kids officially start back on that Tuesday.

I like work, I really do. I like the challenge of it. I like getting to know a new group of kids. I like trying to improve my teaching each year. But I miss MY kids so damn much.

I also miss the flexibility of the summer schedule. During the school year everything is so rigid and our schedule is locked in.

I was just participating in a discussion on a health website I have joined. Everyone was discussing schedules and someone had asked if we could post a "day in the life" example of our week/ day so that they could see how everyone fits in healthy eating/ cooking and exercise in their busy life.

Some of the people seemed much busier than me. It is crazy how some people's lives are so complicated. I think I was somewhere in the middle. But what I liked is that everyone who responded said you just have to find the time to be healthy and make it a non-negotiable priority, just like brushing your teeth or washing your clothes.

Here is my typical schedule during the school year.

M-F

Up at 4:30am, let dog out, lace up shoes and head to the gym no later than 5.

Work out from 5-6am (MWF is weight training/ intervals, TuTH is cardio/ stretching)

Home by 6:05am, where husband is waiting to go to the gym from 6-7:15.

6:05-6:30 Feed the cat and dog and let them out, make breakfast and set up for kids, get work bag and lunch ready

6:30-7 Shower and get ready and PRAY the kids stay asleep. Its about 50/50 chance they wake up.

7-7:30 Get the kids dressed and teeth brushed, eat, husband gets home from gym

7:30 Get everyone in car, kids and husband drop me off at work (yup, we are currently sharing a car)

8-3 (M, THUR, FRI)
8-4:20 (TUES, WED)   Work

3-5pm on TUES and THURS, take Liam to Karate or wait to be picked up after karate is over.

as soon as we are home-5:30 Get dinner ready, dishes done, etc.

Eat by 6pm, but usually by 5:30.

6-7pm play with kids either outside, on a family walk, watching a show, reading, etc.

7pm- Start baths/ PJ's (On Tues, Wed, Thurs husband leaves for training at 6:30 so I do both kids...the rest of the week I only have to do one kid)

7:30-8pm (or 9 if it is a bad night with both kids) any combination of rocking, feeding, begging, bribing, reading to the kids to get them to be soundly asleep

8-9/ 9:30pm: any combination of the following: snacking, blogging, Facebook stalking, answering work emails, correcting mass amounts of essays, cleaning up messes, staring at the wall and enjoying silence, talking to my husband, watching TV.

9:30: Pass out in bed.

Midnightish: My darling daugher is STLL (at 14 months) waking up screaming to eat. The getting her back to sleep thing seems to take about 20 minutes.

Am I busy?, yup. If it sounds like an unusually crazy life, you probably don't have kids and might think pretty hard before you do...because I am pretty sure this is the average life of a regular mom.

On the weekends it isn't too much different, except that my husband works and instead of being at work I am taking the kids to activities, play dates, etc. I live for the weekends, mostly because my husband is home no latter than 5 both nights and we can both be there for the bedtime routine.

So if you are like me, and feeling bad about gaining a few pounds or not being perfect in every way...I recommend doing as I did here and writing out your typical schedule. It has helped me realize that I am doing all I can to stay healthy and that I cannot be too hard on myself, I am doing the best I can right now....and sometimes that just has to be enough.
So I am off to enjoy my last few days with a slightly less frantic schedule...thank the Lord for Summer Vacation!

Wait, what, 6 lbs..are you kidding me?!

After yesterday's post I weighed myself and I am up 2 more pounds. Are you kidding? I am tryin to remember my own advice, there is a lot more to weight gain then just fat, but I know it ain't 6 lbs of water weight.

I am trying not to get down on myself and not to make excuses. I know that it has to be a combination of factors, the biggest being I have just cut my breastfeeding down to one feeding at night and this is clearly screwing with my metabolism. But since it isn't socially acceptable orconvenient to have a 10 year old hanging off your boob...I have to deal with the fact that no more breastfeeding=less eating.

This is a reminder that my health, weight and how I feel about myself all need to be a priority and something that I constantly monitor. I am clearly eating too many calories, bottom line.

Soooo, back to myfitnesspal to track my calories for a few weeks. I don't NEED to weight 132 lbs to be happy, but I strongly suspect that if I don't get myself in check I will keep gaining.

Good thing I went to the gym this morning, or I'd be living with serious regret after that weigh in.

A life in progress

Today at the beach I couldn't help but watch a few young girls in their early 20's who were sitting right near me at the beach.

I was by myself with the kiddos, dragging my 200lbs of crap across the sand, while Charlotte hung off of my hip and I kept yelling at gently reminding Liam that he was not to run into the water before he got sunblocked up.

These girls were all pretty, tanned and in bikinis with their nice sunglasses. All they had to carry was one towel and a summer Coach tote. They chatted with each other about when they got in the night before and when so and so was planning to meet them out that night.

I saw them looking at me in a "oh look at those cute babies, someday I can't wait to dress my own kids in cut bathing suits and show them off at the beach" kind of way. I know they wondered why I was alone with the kids on a Saturday. I am sure they checked to see if I had a wedding ring, and if so what it looked like. They watched at I spent hours chasing Liam, building sand castles and running around with two kids in the waves.

They seemed nice. they gave the kids the obligatory smiles and hellos. They didn't seem annoyed when Charlotte cried.

As I observed them I couldn't help but think of my own life. I WAS a girl just like that not all that long ago. A girl who came to the Cape with her friends and smiled at babies and who dreamed of my own future.

What I didn't understand back then is how life is never, ever exactly how you imagine it to be. At 23 I am pretty sure that the image I had of how my Saturdays on the beach would be, did not include that my husband would be absent from the picture because he had to work all weekend long to make up for the wages he lost being a stay at home dad. I know that at 23 I didn't think I would have to work so hard at staying healthy (because at 23 I was skinny and had a good body without being healthy). And I am certain that I had no clue how exhausting it is to bring my beautiful babies to the beach.

I also know that at 23 I was clueless about what would REALLY bring me joy. I used to envy the moms on the beach who had 2 beautiful babies, a brand new Volvo SUV, a giant diamond, a killer body, and got to stay at home all year without any worries about money.

Now I realize that nothing is as it seems. If anyone has ALL of that, it didn't come for free. Once you have kids, and get older you have to work HARD to be healthy and look good.The material objects come with a price of their own. It might mean a husband who is never home because of the demands of his job, or one who is really sleeping with his secretary and gives his wife fancy things to keep her "happy." I also realize that staying home all year with the kids is fabulous, but not totally realistic for most people.

At 23 I had an picture in my head of the life I would have. Some of it came true. I have beautiful babies and a great looking husband who loves me and who is fun and funny. I get to spend my summers on the beach and I do stay home with my kids for part of the year. I am working on the health/ body stuff and doing the best I can and I am learning to be a better and healthier person.

So what if my husband and I share a beat up old Ford. I would love a fancy pair of sunglasses, but odds are my daughter would pull them off my face and break them. And I would much rather get to take my kids on fun trips, then have a huge diamond any day.

I miss my husband so much when he has to work, but I cherish the times we have together. I would rather give up every material thing I have, then have my husband go back to a job where he barely saw his kids.

My life is certainly a work in progress, but I can honestly say I am happy. When I watched those young girls, I couldn't help but smile and think about the person I used to be. I loved that part of my life. But it is nice to have come to a point where I am no longer wondering when my life will begin. It might not be exactly what I expected, but life is pretty good.

Recipe, Depressing Music and Vacations

I am feeling a bit random lately, and so is this entry;

After gaining a few lbs the last week or so, I was careful to clean up my diet again and decided to try out a few new recipes.

The one I am sharing is not my own. It is from Fitness Magazine. It can be found HERE.

It is for Fish Tacos.
I have never been too big into fish tacos, but my husband LOVES them. He seriously orders them whenever he can. I really liked these. They had so many different flavors going on and were fresh and fun.
The only modifications I made were that I added extra Tabasco to the sauce and I used less mayonnaise. I also used canned corn because I didn't have frozen. The key is to be sure you do NOT cook the corn or black beans. I also added fresh cilantro because we have a ton on hand. I used he bagged coleslaw mix because it had a few more veggies in it and I got low-carb/ calorie tortillas. I also sprinkled on a small amount of cheddar cheese
I tripled the recipe and we both had 3 tacos. 1-lb of Tilapia was more than enough for 6 tacos and a little bit left for the kids. My guess is that for 3 tacos I ate about 700-800 very fulfilling calories.

This morning my daughter decided to wake up at 4am to eat. I fed her and put her back to sleep and decided it was pointless to go back to bed for 30 minutes, so I downloaded some new music before heading to the gym. As I listened to my playlist I realized that I have a tendency to depress myself with music. The majority of my songs have some sort of depressing theme. I don't consider myself a sad person, so I started thinking about what draws me to this type of music. My theory is that I like reflecting on my past, and somehow depressing music pulls out the raw emotions I have experienced over the years. Somehow this converts into adrenaline. For example, if I am listening to a song that makes me think of what a jerk an old ex-boyfriend is, it pushes me to workout harder. Interesting? I think so, but as you can see I am big of being reflective.

Some of my favorite depressing songs:
Third Eye Blind: How's it Gonna be
Limp Bizkit: Break Stuff
Keith Urban: Stupid Boy
Justin Timberlake: Cry me a River
Linkin Park: In the End
Jay-Z: Young Forever (probably not depressing, but makes me sad)
Christina Perri: Jar of Hearts
Garbage: I'm Only Happy When it Rains

And of course the King and depressing hip hop: Eminem. I like many of his songs, but I REALLY love Love The Way You Lie.

Now you may want to try and psycho-analyze me based on the fact that my favorite song is about an abusive relationship....but I assure you there isn't much to it. I just like this type of music. I must be a weirdo. I do however have several other upbeat songs going for myself..but you might judge me even more if I told you about my booty shaking playlist..that's a whole other post.

Now onto the subject of vacation. In 10 days we are leaving for Montana!!! Wohoo. I am so excited. We are going for TWO WHOLE WEEKS. I love, love, love long vacations. This one will be filled with hikes in the woods, sitting by one of the most beautiful lakes in the country, early morning sunrise with coffee, boats, fishing, RV's, rodeos with real cowboys.sState fairs, four wheeling, laughing with my dad, driving around aimlessly and just a lot of laid back fun. So I will be spending the next ten days packing and preparing, because that's what mama's do. Here is where we are going:

I cannot wait.

Slave to the scale

There are so many resons why you should not weight yourself every day. Of course I am not very good at following this advice.

I do like to weigh myself to motivate me and to be sure I am staying on track. However, daily weigh ins are silly because you can swing several pounds in a matter of a day.

Water retention, how hydrated you are, bathroom cycles, salt intake, etc....all play into what the number on the scale says.

Two days ago I weighed myself and I was 130lbs. This morning I weighed in and was 135! Now, clearly I did not gain 5 lbs of fat in just two days (even though I did eat some nasty fair food at the fireworks). However, it is still a horrible feeling to see a bigger number from one day to the next.

Here is something to keep in mind when the numbers on the scale are not what you expect:

One pound of fat = 3500 calories. So unless you are eating an extra 350 calories 10 days in a row, you are not gaining a full pound of fat.

This tells you two things:

1. Unless you pig out on 3500 EXTRA calories in a day (that is some serious indulgence) then there is no way you can have gained one-two lbs of fat in a day. This means those numbers on the scale that jump from one day to the next, are most likley a result of being constipated or bloated (lovely!)

2. If you are gaining lots of weight it means you are eating way too much. When I think about why I weighed 10 lbs more for the past few years, it sort of grosses me out because I know I was eating too many empty calories.

So, I am taking a break from the scale for a few days. I am also trying to get back on track with my water drinking. Drinking tons of water seems to help keep my numbers low because it reduces water retention and keeps my digestion regular.

Oh sunshine, where are you?

Summer vacation has started. I am home with the babies and looking to embrace all things summer. You know like,
Sunshine and warmth
Long days at the beach
Cookouts with friends
Trips to the park
Hiking
Kiddie Pools
Healthy veggies and lean meat grilled outdoors

Sounds great right? Well it has been raining and miserable here since Wednesday (my first day of vacation). It is now Saturday and I am 3 steps from lossing my mind. I do not do indoors with two kids very well. I have taken them to all possible indoor favorites: indoor play place, Children's Museam, Library, Friendly's.
I even walked around Petco and pretended it was the zoo.

I am out of ideas and the sun had best come out tomorrow.

The other major reason this weather is cramping my style is that I am eating too much. I am most definietly a boredom eater. As mentioned above, I even took the kids to Friendly's ( a kids restaraunt for the non-New Englanders) with a friend and her son. Needless to say, I did NOT order a salad. I keep opening the fridge and picking at things. This must stop!

Tomorrow is supposed to get better. We are off to see family and celebrate Charlotte's birthday. This will mean picnic food and cake. Monday needs to be a fresh start. Come on Summer, where are you?

Babies do grow up...

Yup. It's true. Babies always grow up, and even though I do not love every second of the infant stage...it sure is sad when they grow up.

Ms. Charlie (Charlotte) will be 1 years old this week. I really can't believe it. There are just so many times when I say to myself...I cannot believe I have two kids!, let alone two kids, neither of who are babies.

It has been a crazy year. I had to go back to work 8 weeks after having her. My husband went from working 60 hour work weeks, to being a stay at home dad. We made some major lifestyle changes and had our struggles living on one income with one car. But we made it and I actually think we did a great job.

I feel pretty good about myself and am glad that I managed to make myself a priority without neglecting the needs of my kiddos.

I absolutely adore having a little girl. There is no doubt that the love between my son and I is special, but my Charlotte is my soulmate. She and I have a connection like no other. I love her equally to my son (obviously) but our love is different. She is a mini-me, while my son is my total opposite. I see Charlotte as a gentle soul. She is like a little butterfly and is so feminine and delicate. Of course I already worry about her. I don't want her to make my mistakes, or be the painfully shy child I was. I cannot even imagine watching her hurt, or knowing someday someone just may break her heart. My son is tough..he has been since the day he was born..Charlotte is not tough, but I hope that we will teach her to be strong.

It is hard not to channel your own insecurities onto your child, especially when they are the same gender as you. I will have to work on this. But for now I just know she has a great daddy to teach her how a man should treat her and a mommy who has a goal to be sure her kiddos will feel good about themselves and are allowed to get good at many different things so they have a place to draw confidence from.

I love you Ms. Charlotte. Please don't grow up too fast.

Health check in

My brother in law and nephew are staying with us this week, which is great...except for the fact that my eating was OUT OF CONTROL yesterday. They brought home pizza, I arrived home from work starving and I ate my face off.

I seriously felt sooo sick this morning. It felt like I had a bad hangover. Since we started eating clean I am not used to the extra sodium and carbs. It was so bad that I didn't make it to the gym..which isn't a good thing after a night of binging.

However, for the most part we have stuck to our healthy eating. We still go for frozen yogurt too much, but otherwise we are doing well.

I am holding strong at about 132lbs and hitting the gym at least 4 days a week. I feel stronger lately and have been lifting heavier weights. I even did some real (not girly) pushups the other day and I could NEVER do those.

I will be attempting to stop nursing my daughter in the next few weeks. My plan is to go back to calorie counting for a little while. Especially since the stopping of nursing coincides with me being done with work for the summer. I know I will need some help staying on track. I am going to do myfitnesspal.com and see if I can keep my weight where it is. I will also try to workout getting to the gym at least 5 days a week.

We are going on a 2 week vacation in the middle of the summer and I know I need to go into it in really good shape so I don't fall totally off track.

Only other big healthy/ life related factor is that we need to face the decision of if we want to have a 3rd child...GULP. I am the worst at making huge decisions. We always said we wanted 3 kids...but the thought of doing this all over again scares me. Hmmmm...........................

Weddings, babies, is my life over???

Okay, so I watched most of the royal wedding. At first I made many, many jokes about it and I really didn't care but then I realized...
We NEVER get to see live weddings. Unless we are there of course.

And I do love weddings, and dresses, and fancy ceremonies and big parties...and all that. It makes me sad that, that part of my life is over. Like SERIOUSLY sad. While watching the royal wedding I had flash backs to that time of my life and now it almost seems like a lifetime ago (and it is only almost 4 years ago).

I feel the same thing when I hear about one of my friends who is pregnant with their first baby. That level of excitment is unmatched by anything else in life (atleast I think). I was excited to have my second little one..VERY excited. But it certainly wasn't the same "unknown" excitment of our first.

I am pretty sure we are going to have one more child. So I know that I will feel the joy again. But I sometimes get borderline depressed that so many wonderful things have come and gone. I already know that whne I am packing up our last babies "baby" things I may just have a melt down.

Of course deep down I know there will be plenty of wonderful things to come. I cannot wait until our children have so many of their firsts (first day of school, first dance, first loves, etc., etc.)
But I just cannot believe that so many "big" things have already passed me by.

Don't Blink!!

Why moms get fat....

Because exercise is nearly impossible with small children.

For example,

After work today my husband and I decided to go for a run on the bikepath. It started out great: both kids in the double jogger, the husband pushing as I fell a few steps behind (I am slower than him and need to pace myself).

Then all hell broke loose. Baby girl had the sun in her eyes and started screaming bloody murder and wouldn't stop. My son decided he had to get out and literally threw himself out of the stroller. I ran him over.

This resulted in me yelling at my husband to just go run. I pushed the kids and before I knew it I had baby girl in the ergo front carrier and my son was running in front of the stroller, getting in my way every 3 seconds and stopping to throw rocks in the water every 3 feet.

Needless to say, running didn't happen.

The thing is, it was still sort of okay. In the end we walked about 3 miles, stopped at the beach to throw rocks and look at the waves. The kids got fresh air. My husband got a run in. My son got a ton of exercise.

I have learned that even though it is totally inconvenient, and never goes as planned, it is important to just try. If you don't get out there and lug the kids along then you wont get any exercise at all, and some is better than none.

Birth

Let me start this post by saying I AM NOT A ROCKSTAR,

or a soldier, or anything else that symbolizes coolness, bravery, etc.

I am pretty boring and an expert at nothing.

I don't have passion for much in this world, but there are 3 things I could talk any one's ear off about.

1. is the social responsibility I feel the world (and especially parents) have to children of all ages
2. is the benefits of eating healthy, clean food and growing your own food.
3. is the value I place on natural childbirth

So I talk a whole hell of a lot about number two on here. I avoid number one because this is the fight I fight ALL day long at work. And I have YET to talk about number 3 for fear of scaring away my childfree friends and the few men who check my blog.

You have been warned, I am addressing number 3 today. Mostly because just in the past week I had 3 friends message me on facebook about this and I thought I would share my thoughts here.

So here it goes.

Natural childbirth

What is it? This is childbirth with minimal medical intervention and no pain medication, IV drugs, etc.

Again, I am no expert. I only have the experience of 2 drug free births and I do not claim to be a pro.

I always knew I wanted to have a natural birth. I am not really the earthy-crunchy type and most people might not have expected this as something I valued.

I do a lot of reading and research whenever I need to know something. I like to investigate both sides before I make a decision. I read a lot about getting pregnant, being pregnant, etc. My mom had me all-natural (go Mom!), before it was common to do so. So I wanted to know why some woman find it so important. Here is what sold me.

1. When you have an epidural you get a giant needle in your back (which may or may not take on the first try) and worst of all you have to spend the rest of your labor hooked up to a machine and mostly in bed.

2. Sometimes it can cause you to have ineffective pushing.

3. You will have to have a catheter placed afterward to help you pee.

Number 1 is what scared me the most. I hate the thought of anything going near my spine and I hate feeling like I am not in control. I wanted to MOVE while in labor. I wanted to experience it with everything I had.

Now, it hurts. There is no doubt about it. However, the pain sucks, but it is managable.

When I was in labor I did all of the following to get through contactions:

Bounced on the birthing ball, danced with my husband, had the nurse/ husband/ my mom push as hard on my back as physically possible to put counter-pressure on the pain, do squats and lunges (it sounds crazy, but it helped get the dialation going and the best of all....I got in a nice warm tub and had the nurse/ my husband/ my mom pour water over my tummy as I contracted.

All of this worked. I didn't scream and yell. I didn't freak out. I didn't beg for drugs.

I just kept moving.

For my first,  I did this for about 10 hours. I know that sounds like forever, and I was in labor for longer..but I am talking about active labor. But seriously it didn't feel that long. Because I could keep moving it actually went by fast for me. Now I think it felt MUCH longer for my mom and husband (poor things were pushing and rocking with me all night long).

For my second it was about 5 hours.

When I think back on my labor, tears of joy come to my eyes. It was amazing. I had great nurses, a supportive husband and I was present (both physically and mentally) through all of it. I can remember every moment, every push.

I am also convinced that the reason I had to push no more than 4 times with both babies is because of all the moving I did. Some woman have to push for HOURS. Now I am sure that going natural does not guarantee less pushing...but I know it helped me. I could actually feel the baby moving lower and lower and I refused to stop moving until I absolutely had to.

By the time I got into that bed those babies were already there. One push and you could see hair (YIKES..sorry male readers).

I have a good friend who had an epidural with her first and went all natural with her second. She said that it was so much easier and better the second time. Her recovery was better. She wasn't as swollen (another side-effect of drugs) and she could pee on her own 10 minutes after delivery.

Okay, I am starting to sound like a preacher.....

I did take some steps to be sure I was supported in my decision. I created the famous "birth plan" but all mine said was:

1. I do not want to be offered drugs unless medically necessary (i.e. the baby or myself is in danger).
2. If I complain of pain or that I cannot do it, please offer me another alternative (tub, ball, etc.) to help me get through.
3. I want to breastfeed as soon as possible after delivery.

Honestly I didn't really need the plan. I could still speak and express my wished at the hospital. However, I delivered at a very small hospital with a fabulous staff of nurses. I would have dreaded being at a huge hospital (in fact, I wouldn't have done it).

One thing I learned was that the nurses favored the patients who went natural. I think because it is so rare, they enjoy that part of the job. In fact I often had 2-3 nurses helping me because I think they wanted to be sure I could do it. They helped me so much. I am not sure that if I was at a large hospital that I would have had a nurse who got on her hands in kness and poured water on me in the tub for over an hour.

All in all I actually value my decision to have my babies as I did more than almost any other decision I have made in my life. I was truely so proud of myself for doing something so many woman think they can't do.

Don't get me wrong. I completely understand why some woman just don't want to deal with the pain. But PLEASE, do your research. Drugs may stop pain temporarily, but there are also negatives. Just know the up and down side to every option.

I could get into why I think breastfeeding is so important, but I think I have been high on my soap box long enough for one night. Good luck momma's-to-be. It truely is the best moment in life, no matter how you decided to do it. Don't be scared. Your body knows what to do and woman are the strongest gender for a reason.

Man, now I want another baby! Someone remind me that  neither of my kids sleep through the night.

The skinny jeans are back

I really wanted to post a picture, but I just couldn't figure out the timer on my camera.

But my size 6, haven't fit in them since before I got pregnant, can't wear them when I even gain a pound skinny jeans are on today. I confess, they are cutting into my flesh just a tiny bit when I sit down. But when I stand up they are looking good.

My mom is down and has taken my son out for the day..so this skinny jean thing is making me want to shop. I think the little lady and I need to at least get one new outfit a piece in celebration of mom's skinny jean accomplishment.

The scale is holding steady at 139. This isn't so bad considering the cake I ate for my husbands birthday and the fact that I have not worked out in some time.

Did I mention I am getting a gym membership on April 1 and starting to go 3 mornings a week (wohooo)? More on that to come. I am off to enjoy this warm day in my slightly too tight skinny jeans.

The dirty thirty

Well, I am back, older, wiser perhaps?
Who knows?...but either way I am 30.

I have to say, it feels a little strange. I remember that when I was in college, 30 sounded old. But I don't really feel old.

I am pretty excited about starting a new year of life. I am currently in a self-reflective mood and am hoping to better myself in many ways.

This started on my trip to Vermont. I had a great time and as always my husband and I laughed, sighed, yelled at  and smiled about the insanity that is traveling with two small children. But aside from the difficulties that are posed when taking a 5 hour car trip with a tantruming 2 year old and a baby who doesn't care for facing the back of the car with no stimulation for hours at a time, I was able to have a few moments of clarity and I even reached some level of inner peace.

Here's how:

One thing I am hoping to do differently in the thirties is to stop letting my fears get in the way. I have always been afraid to fail, and because of this I do a lot of sitting out.

For example, at the inn we were staying at there was a GIANT sledding hill. Deep down I really wanted to sled, but I was pretty sure it would be a huge pain in the butt, i.e. getting all bundled up, climbing a very difficult hill in 3 feet of snow, breaking my leg on the way down, finding a time where my daughter wasn't using me as a human feeding machine. So instead of saying what I wanted to say, which was "I really want to sled, let's make it happen." I let the husband take our toddler while I stayed inside with the baby. I took the easy, fearless way out.

That night, after the baby was sleeping, I sat there reflecting on what I wanted in my next 30 years. I realized that the sledding example was part of what I needed to change. I am sick of sitting out just because it is easier that way. So, I decided it needed to change right then and there.

I told my husband I was going out for a walk. I went outside. I found a plastic sled. I hiked my fat butt up that giant hill. I almost died. I felt my lunges burning. I pulled myself through the snow. I set up my sled. AND I flew down that damn hill laughing at myself all the way down.

It was so much fun that I did it again. This time I totally white washed myself half way down. I spent 3 minutes laughing at myself and then I continued down the rest of the way.

It was dark. I was alone. It was cold. I was a little bit scared, but flying down that hill was freeing.

So that was my kick off to my 30's. I will not sit out of life. If I want something, I will not let fear of failure or humiliation hold me back

30! (or just about)

Well the weekend has arrived. I will be thirty years old on Saturday. I will be away. My husband is taking me to a family farm/ bed and breakfast for the weekend, here. So I am finishing up my work week and then away we go.

In my 20's I would have wanted to celebrate another year older with some drinks, at a bar, acting crazy with my friends. I would love to spend some time with friends, but the rest of that type of celebration doesn't appeal to me. Most people would probably consider a kid friendly B&B unappealing, but it is right up my alley. I am away from my kids all week, and I could not bare to go anywhere without them. I get joy from their joy, and this inn has some really fun stuff for them to do.

I am feeling good about 30. I feel like I have started to make some changes that I am proud of. I am still eating about 90 percent clean and I feel like I am dedicated to keeping myself healthy and happy.

I weighed myself this morning and I was at 140. So I may very well be in the 130's my Saturday (especially after snow shoeing and pulling the kids in a sled all weekend at the Inn). if I am not, I still feel pretty good about my weightloss and will enjoy a few good meals this weekend.

So here I go...into another great 10 years.