I am terrified to write this post, or maybe a better word is intimidated. How do you capture the love you have for your children in one blog post? I guess the best way to think of it is that you can't and you won't-but I would like to attempt to do some justice to my feelings on this.
As I begin to announce that we are blessed enough to be expecting a third child, I have come to realize that I am constantly apologizing for who I am. I have been anticipating the comments people have such as "another one!" and "what are you crazy?" and trying to avoid and make excuses instead of admitting who I truly am and clearly stating why I am over-joyed.
The fact of the matter is, that despite my profession, and my other roles in this great big world...I was born to be a mama.
In fact, I love being a mama more than I could ever love anything else I have ever done in this world. And I know that I may help thousands of other children in my 30 year teaching career, and I guess it is always possible that I could help solve a world crisis or develop a way to cure disease, but all of that would still not hold a candle to the joy of all joys, which is raising my babies in a loving, happy, accepting household.
I am convinced that my life would hold no purpose without my children. Watching them discover and grow and start out on their own life journey is by far the most rewarding observation I have ever been allowed to make.
I know that some people cannot understand this, and maybe they never will...but I would sacrifice every part of who I am if it meant giving my kids a better life.
Why? Because when my son came into this world he taught me what it meant to have full responsibility of someone's innocence. When he was born there was not one speck of hate, of self-doubt, of jealousy or fear in his entire being. I know this to be 100 percent fact. And as his mother I consider it my life's mission to protect as much of the goodness in him as possible.
Being loved by my children and having the pleasure of watching them become people is something I will never take for granted.
It is easy to almost do so. After a day of tantrums, and talking back, of "I don't love you anymore mama's" from the mouth of an over tired 3 year old and of grouchy mama's who take out their frustration on their equally grouchy, over-worked and over-tired husbands...it is easy to think, why would we have another one? But without fail something always makes it worth it.
it is a baby girl who claps for herself every time she takes two steps and falls down.
it is a son whose tantrum always comes to an end and then asks his mama if she will be his number one girl forever.
it is waking up after a night from hell to find your son's hand wrapped in your hair because he is afraid you will leave him in the night.
or a baby girl who loves to ask 'dada, where are you?" whenever her favorite man on the planet is not in the room.
or two kids who love to chase each other and laugh uncontrollably because the youngest of the two has finally understood the concept of hide and seek.
or a son who declares that he loves his sister and if we have to have another baby it must be another girl and we will call her Charlotte number 2.
or a husband who loves his kids as much as their mama does and spends as much time with them as he can.
So how could I ever make excuses for that? how could I ever not want more of it?
It's the most real thing there is, my love for them. And despite the fact that I have locked myself in the bathroom at 3pm with a pint of ice cream and cried in exhaustion and frustration...being loved unconditionally is worth it every time.
I wish for every person I know, that you may experience that level of love as much as possible for as long as possible.