Oh Saturday morning, how your meaning has changed so much in my life.
I remember the days, before my husband and I were married and looong before Liam blessed us with his presence, when we would spend half of Saturday in bed. We would watch TV, fall in and out of sleep, and try to get rid of hangovers from the Friday night we had spent with friends. I am glad we had that time in our lives.
Today is different, for obvious reasons...but I don't mind. I am tired, that's for sure but I am also fulfilled.
This week was a good one. Despite a pretty bad cold that is still gripping my chest and stuffing up my head, we had a week filled with happiness.
Tuesday was our ultrasound. After my husband and son both became determined to find out if our baby was in fact the boy they were so convinced it was, and after I started to have an OCD panic attack about not being ready and not having control over every aspect of my life (typical Caroline behavior) I totally caved and we decided to find out the sex of the baby. Although I will not have that big 40 week surprise, I don't really feel regret about this. Somehow I am at peace with the decision and am happy to be able to day dream about what my future will look like.
So, we were all pretty shocked when within 10 seconds of the wand hitting my tummy, we saw a pair of spread legs that clearly belonged to a baby girl. We had all felt so sure it was a little boy, that it took me a while to believe what I was seeing. Another healthy little baby girl, squirming all around for all of us to see. It was pretty special having Liam there with us. I think he felt good about being a big enough boy to come and it was a moment we will all remember for a lifetime.
Afterwards we picked up Charlotte and headed out to see Santa at the Bass Pro Shop. It was a great night with the family and it was fun to spend the car ride talking about our newest baby girl and what that will be like for all of us.
I certainly am happy that these two girls will have a big brother to protect them. I hope to stress to all of them that though they may not like each other all the time, that family always sticks together and stands up for each other.
For the first day or two after I found out I had a lot of joy, but also some sadness. Because this is our last time, I couldn't help but think I will never have another little boy. I kept picturing Liam when he was tiny and it left a little empty feeling in my heart. But I know I would have been just as sad to think of never having a little girl again.
Now that I have moved past that, I am embracing all that is wonderful about a family with a big brother and two baby girls. This holiday season has me imagining getting my girls dressed up in holiday dresses, taking them into Boston and bringing them to see The Nutcracker (something I have been dying to do for years, but have not had anyone to go with who would actually enjoy it).
So on this Saturday I am simply enjoying my kiddos, being reflective about how our family has changed so much over the past 6 years, and wondering about what the future will hold.
In typical family with young children style, tonight my hubby is going to a Christmas party alone. Sadly, I cannot go because we have no sitter and my cold is still pretty bad. But that's okay, because the sacrifices we have made have all been worth it and I get lots of rewards. So tonight I will put baby girl number one to bed, put on the fireplace and snuggle up to my big boy, who is going to be 4 soon and who is handling the idea of being a big brother quite well. He and I will eat some good food and watch a special movie together...because this phase will not last forever.