Monday, June 25, 2012

Not my kid (passing judgement)

My kids:

will always brush their teeth- will never be bribed with food- will always wash their hands after taking a poop-will go to church-will eat vegetables-will be promptly removed from a store when tantruming-will not play with guns*-will rarely watch TV-will never be spanked-will never sleep in my bed-will never swear-will always get a dirty diaper changed-will not play video games-will clean up their messes-will always have their hair cut-will not ever have my spit used to clean their faces-will not get yelled at- will never be in the yard alone-will not eat hot dogs-will not hit-will not stay in on a sunny day-will not be spoiled-will do all their homework-will know how to swim-will never miss appointments-will never tell me they hate me- will not eat McDonalds-will practice the alphabet-will never be ignored
*Yes, that's MY daughter with a toy gun

I bet every person has done it. Judged. Yup, I am pretty sure even the most non-judgmental of folks has secretly judged another at some point. Maybe it was a warranted judgment, as in how we all felt about decisions Casey Anthony made. But sometimes it seems to be the age old mistake of criticizing before we have walked a mile in the shoes of the one we are judging.

I have done it. First it was pre-kid judging. I wont raise MY hypothetical, unborn child that way.

And it didn't even stop there. I kept right on judging. Judging moms who had more kids than me. Deciding right then and there how once I had all my kiddos, how I would never to this, or always do that.

The thing is, I am pretty sure my judgments were a form of self-discovery. Another words, my judgments were less about the person who I was judging and more about me. Me trying to figure out what is important to me, what I hope to do for my children, and what I would not compromise on when it came to raising them.

The stupid mistake I was making is that you have NO IDEA what you are getting yourself into when you become a parent of one, then two, then three. And it gets even more complicated when you pregnancies are close together and your children are all little. The judgments I passed on other parents, the assumptions I made about what I would and would not do, the vision I had in my head of how I would raise MY kids....that my friends has all been rocked to the core.

I now understand that the reality is that you CANNOT do it all. If you work full time, have a healthy marriage, have three kids, and friends, and other family member that may need you and a home to take care of, and maybe some pets and of course yourself to worry about, then something will have to give. And you will be judged. It is inevitable. And one of the best things that has happened to me recently is that I have finally come to a point in my life that I do not care what other people think (I don't have time to). But I have also stopped judging so much.

At the end of the day I have a choice. I can focus on all the things that I didn't do for my kids. All the parent rules I have broken. OR I can do this:

Refocus on the non-negotiable. The things that make up our families moral code. The good in it all. Which for me is-

-I will tell my children I love them every day
-I will put all my effort into giving them a variety of experiences
-I will do my best to model a healthy, active lifestyle and get up and out of the house as much as possible.

I am doing the best I can most of the time and I only pray that it is the right thing for US.

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